Edward Elric (
automailed) wrote2011-10-03 01:20 am
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Entry tags:
- !accelerator,
- !alexis,
- !alphonse,
- !anise tatlin,
- !archie kennedy,
- !beat,
- !chopin,
- !freyjadour,
- !ginia,
- !haruhi,
- !hiccup,
- !homura,
- !keimi,
- !leonardo,
- !lindsay d ballard,
- !ling,
- !luke fon fabre,
- !minato arisato,
- !miyabi,
- !richard,
- !robert hastings,
- !roy mustang,
- !shikamaru,
- !shizuo,
- !silver,
- !smoker,
- !son goku,
- !stahn aileron,
- !tony stark,
- !vash,
- !winry,
- [action],
- [voice],
- baby's first mallynap,
- damn your morals to hell,
- ed is still an idiot,
- hey look it's 3-oct-11 literally,
- in which ed rambles a little,
- life and death and why,
- loaded questions,
- lost in thought,
- murder is not okay,
- there is a point to this honest,
- uncomfortable subjects
[Voice (morning) / Action (evening)]
[Voice - Locked from Al, Winry, Gracia, and Elicia]
This might seem like a weird question, but I need to ask.
A lot of people - kids, even - act like they're fine with death and killing. The draft taught me that much. And around here dying doesn't even seem to matter because you just come back anyway. Is that what makes it- [Not okay, he can't say okay, it's not okay] ...more acceptable? Or is it something you're used to? And if it was someone else's life at risk, more than just your own, would that-
[...Dammit, this is probably coming out all wrong. But talking to Al back in the hospital had really gotten him thinking, probably too much, and... maybe he can't really understand something he's never experienced himself. Much like human transmutation- it sounds like a perfectly acceptable theory until the truth opens your eyes.]
...Nevermind. But if death is just temporary, is it really still death? And if it is, then... what's it like to die?
[He couldn't even kill the remnants of a Philosopher's Stone to save Ling. Using the souls of Xerxes for his own gain still haunts him to this day. Could he ever kill to save himself if his own death meant Al would die as well...?]
How can anyone be fine with taking the life of another person?
[So... it's the 3rd. Of October. And certain people from Amestris know the significance of that date. It's not exactly an anniversary that Edward or Alphonse celebrate, per se, but it's become an unspoken annual event to have a bonfire on that particular evening, and more often than not staying up all night. An unspoken promise of which neither will remind the other.
One more year gone. One more year of failure. But they're not about to give up, either.
They hadn't been able to have a fire the past year in Amestris, what with the Philosopher's Stone plot going on in the background and their lengthy separation after leaving Briggs, but here they find themselves in October once again, and the pair made a silent agreement to do it now. Thus, after dinner in the backyard of House #23, a fair-sized campfire will be burning all night, carefully watched and maintained by either one or both of the Elric brothers. They're mostly just doing your average campfire stuff- Edward is roasting hotdogs and marshmallows, Al watching the flames and tending to the loose sparks, the pair occasionally tossing out nostalgic stories. It's not an exclusive fire by any means, so bother at will.
And then, sometime around dawn, Edward will wander off to take a leak in the woods, and he won't be coming back. There'll be signs of a quiet scuffle and a flash of alchemic energy - and a collection of metal chips from a robot's arm being deconstructed - but nothing more to be found.]
[ooc: action tags (if any) can get Ed, Al, or both. If you have a preference just say so, otherwise we'll decide between the two of us or toss a coin |D)]
This might seem like a weird question, but I need to ask.
A lot of people - kids, even - act like they're fine with death and killing. The draft taught me that much. And around here dying doesn't even seem to matter because you just come back anyway. Is that what makes it- [Not okay, he can't say okay, it's not okay] ...more acceptable? Or is it something you're used to? And if it was someone else's life at risk, more than just your own, would that-
[...Dammit, this is probably coming out all wrong. But talking to Al back in the hospital had really gotten him thinking, probably too much, and... maybe he can't really understand something he's never experienced himself. Much like human transmutation- it sounds like a perfectly acceptable theory until the truth opens your eyes.]
...Nevermind. But if death is just temporary, is it really still death? And if it is, then... what's it like to die?
[He couldn't even kill the remnants of a Philosopher's Stone to save Ling. Using the souls of Xerxes for his own gain still haunts him to this day. Could he ever kill to save himself if his own death meant Al would die as well...?]
How can anyone be fine with taking the life of another person?
[So... it's the 3rd. Of October. And certain people from Amestris know the significance of that date. It's not exactly an anniversary that Edward or Alphonse celebrate, per se, but it's become an unspoken annual event to have a bonfire on that particular evening, and more often than not staying up all night. An unspoken promise of which neither will remind the other.
One more year gone. One more year of failure. But they're not about to give up, either.
They hadn't been able to have a fire the past year in Amestris, what with the Philosopher's Stone plot going on in the background and their lengthy separation after leaving Briggs, but here they find themselves in October once again, and the pair made a silent agreement to do it now. Thus, after dinner in the backyard of House #23, a fair-sized campfire will be burning all night, carefully watched and maintained by either one or both of the Elric brothers. They're mostly just doing your average campfire stuff- Edward is roasting hotdogs and marshmallows, Al watching the flames and tending to the loose sparks, the pair occasionally tossing out nostalgic stories. It's not an exclusive fire by any means, so bother at will.
And then, sometime around dawn, Edward will wander off to take a leak in the woods, and he won't be coming back. There'll be signs of a quiet scuffle and a flash of alchemic energy - and a collection of metal chips from a robot's arm being deconstructed - but nothing more to be found.]
[ooc: action tags (if any) can get Ed, Al, or both. If you have a preference just say so, otherwise we'll decide between the two of us or toss a coin |D)]
[Voice]
In my world, it's... kill or be killed. For a while I didn't even feel like fighting anymore, but... but I nearly got killed for it.
[And Tear was injured instead. It's now that he looks away, glancing down below the journal and at the floor.]
And I can't die yet.
[Voice]
[Because in a way... a lot of his confrontations and battles have ended that way, too. Even if he's not the one to deliver the killing blow, he and Al have left a lot of bodies in the wake of their journey. Tucker, the Devil's Nest gang, #48, even the homunculus... is it just his selfishness, clinging to his ideals and forcing others to make the sort of decisions that he can't? To live with that knowledge of who they've killed because he can't stand to be the one to do it?
Is it determination, or is he just being a child?]
[Voice]
[It comes out in a rush. It's the truth, too. That time when he didn't want to fight... He tried to find some other way. He tried and it just... he became such a burden. Such a useless...]
But if doing that just gets everyone I fight beside hurt or killed, I... I couldn't accept that. I don't want to kill, but...
[Voice]
[If he was bigger, stronger, faster, better... battles could end with fewer blows exchanged, fewer injuries gained on either side. And maybe if he was better with words, the fights wouldn't even have to be started.]
[Voice]
[He looks away from the journal, lowers his head and clenches his fists into shaking hands. He hates killing. He hates it. And he can't... stop. Even though he wants to...]
Some people... they'll die for what they believe in. And they're not going to stop unless they kill you for going against them, or if... you kill them.
[He takes in a shaky breath.] And they won't change... no matter how badly you want them to. No matter how much you talk to them or take them down, they'll keep going with their beliefs... even if it kills so many other people.
[Largo, Legretta and Arietta, who fell with the avalanche... Sync, who fell into the Core...
Master Van.]
[Voice]
[Maybe it doesn't work out. Maybe they'll keep coming at him again and again.
But he can't kill. He'll fight, and he'll protect everyone he can, and he'll stop lives from being taken. He can't stand this way of thinking, not now or ever.]